I cant even begin comprehend it. Its over. No more movie dates. No more exploring. No more breakfast and Walking Dead. No more dinner together and New Girl. No more kissing your lips or holding your hand. No more falling asleep and waking up next to you. No more talking about our children and our future. No more french bulldog. You’ll never see me become a welder. In my mechanic blues. I’ll never get to see you happy. How can you stand that? How is that something you can possibly give up on? And so effortlessly? You say its hard, but I havent seen a thing to make me think that you are struggling over losing me. Only the struggle with yourself. I know it’s pointless to keep hope and not give up, but I dont have a choice. This is our marriage, our life. I’m going to hold up my end until it’s over. I keep my promises.

I’m happy, because I only see the happiness in our future together. You will never be happy, because you never moved on from high school. You will never be happy, because you enjoy being alone and sad and reckless and broken. Which is why I’ll never have you. And it’s destroying me. Just another burning building in your path.

I’ve known, in every bit of my being, since the very first moment, that I wanted to spend my last moments with you. That I would. Do you know what it’s like to have everything you believed in torn away from you in a matter of days? It’s like forgetting how to live. It’s like learning to breath all over again, but not wanting to. It’s disregarding instinct and nature, because you just no longer have the will to fight on. 

You need a break. A break. I knew what that meant. I cant believe I actually fell for it again. You promised this time. You promised it wasnt us. You promised you were coming home. You never keep your promises. It hurts that the one person I trusted and believed in the most gave up on me. Just like that. Again. You dont want me. The half a bottle of whiskey did nothing. How awfully depressing.



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